THE COVID-19 RESPONSE UNIT AT
BETELGEUSE CORPORATION
Proudly PRESENT to you…
THE REAL KEEPERS OF PHAROS
THE REAL KEEPERS OF PHAROS
THE REAL KEEPERS OF PHAROS
THE REAL KEEPERS OF PHAROS
And now a word from our CEO, Lennon BeTELGEUSE:
“Well it was a tough couple of years for you humans, I can’t deny it, but considering how you like to think of yourselves as being at the top of the chain it really does exemplify how susceptible you are to the vagaries of the smallest, unseen organisms. Something you would all do well to remember as preparation for the rise of the Betels, he-he. Anyhow, the Universe granted you a reprieve, rather than being wiped out by the Novel Coronavirus SARS-COV-2, you managed to scrape through like you somehow always do. Don’t worry though, rapid rates of industrialisation and high population densities encroaching on natural habitats alongside dubious sanitation systems means it won’t be long before the next one and I’ll be ready to scuttle in through the cracks and wrest control when your degraded society crumbles. Ahem, I like it - the painting - rather chaotic isn’t it? The light almost leaps off the page, and while the vassal has a long way to go before his clouds are comparable to those of Turner (J.M.W., not Tina or Anthea), this little 7” * 10” acrylic painting certainly captures the tumult of the times.”
DID I, Lennon BeTELGEUSE, CEO, EVER CATCH COVID-19?
“Don’t be a fanny!”
How much WOUld I, Lennon Betelgeuse, SIMULTANEOUS BLESSED PANACEA AND PAN-SPECIES BIOHAZARD, sell this painting for?
“A lot of money, dear Perusers, yes, a lot of money, if it was in my possession. You know, once upon a time it filled me with such great rage each time the vassal hid his work, now I can see the funny side, ahaha, ohoho. The vassal hid his painting? Ehehe, I don’t mind, seriously. It’s cool. For one day, sometime in the future, the vassal, old, bent, stooped, arthritic and unable to paint (and thus of no value whatsoever) will lead me to each cache, and when he has revealed all of his hidey-holes I shall dispense with him with a swift chop to the throat. And then I shall laugh, and it shall be the LAST laugh. Ahaha. This one’s at the top of a lighthouse, but I don’t know where!!!”
THE ORIGINAL IS GUIDING COVID-CRUISES AWAY FROM SHORE BUT PRINTS OF DIFFERENT SIZES ARE AVAILABLE IN THE SHOP.
Now tell us what and why, vassal?
“This is my homage to the great people I worked with at the Alderley Park Lighthouse Laboratory.”
Yes, I think I remember seeing you in the Panaroma episode-
“Fuck you, man, that was Milton Keynes, not Alderley Park. I can’t comment on how things were done elsewhere but I do know that at Alderley Park we were the best of the network.”
Hmm-hmm, I’m sensing a lot of pride here, vassal. It’s almost nice to see, although don’t go getting too inflated or I’ll have to slap it out of you.
“Try it! Anyway, there is a lot of pride there because we worked hard and did a good job. We were an incredible team. While I’m glad the edge is off the Pandemic it’s a shame that team had to come to an end.”
Oh, vassal, you’re making me cry! NOT! You’re making me retch! BLEURGH! Are you saying your former colleagues are the Real Keepers Of Pharos?
“Yes. To be honest most of The Real Keepers of Pharos are Shift Group 2, my old shift group, but there are some from other Shift Groups as well.”
You seem to think that your Shift Group was the best. I have trouble believing it could be so due to their association to you.
“SG2 were the best of the best and that’s verified.”
By who?
“The Collective Unconscious. Everyone knew it.”
